While writing this it was very difficult. I am currently residing within a bubble of hurt, and I am not afraid to admit that I am somewhat broken. I had to let go of, and give up someone I loved.
When God asks us to give up something we cherish or even love, we tend to freak out and cling to the closest thing in our vicinity that could give us comfort. Often times this thing is actually not a thing at all. It is the very person we were asked to let go of.
Here’s a visual for you – A bathtub, water, soap, and the claws of a very angry feline already decided upon world domination. I have yet to wash a cat, and I pray I never have to, but watching others attempt to cleanse these furry demons latching onto toilets, shower curtains, and even human skin is enough for me to realize I am not capable of such magical powers. Never ask me to help you wash your cat. I may not have magical powers, but I can disappear just as quick as Mr. Simpson into the bushes.
Fitting, right? I thought so…
Back to the point!!! Cats will cling to their owner before a bath, because that is where they find their comfort. They will sink their claws into the skin of the one in whom they love just to save themselves from the water. During this process they hurt the very person they don’t want to leave. But why?
Here’s the answer – FEAR.
Boo! (I’m not funny)
Fear always leads to clinging. This fear is simply of the unknown, or of an uncomfortable feeling; that’s it! The cat does not fear physical pain or death. It’s simply in fear of not knowing the future, or of water making it feel uncomfortable. What’s even more insane is the whole reason the cat is receiving the bath.
There’s a cleansing, washing, purifying result immediately following the bath. The cat will no longer have grime in its fur, smell bad, or keep potentially harmful parasites from diseasing its body, but because of its focus on fear, it cannot see the reward of after.
We may look at this cat’s fear as silly, but we do the exact same thing in our relationships with friends, family, and our significant others.
Often our first reaction to God asking us to let go of someone is latching on harder. Isn’t that ironic; He asks us to let go, and we tighten our grip. It’s all comes back to fear.
We’re blind to our need of a spiritual bath. We don’t see the grime, smell the odor, or even realize the future destruction that we have allowed to fester on us. We simply see the person we want to keep, and we throw out any hint of an idea that there could be an issue with the situation.
Recently, I was clinging heavily to someone I didn’t want to let go of. I gave my heart to someone who deserved every bit of it, but God asked me to leave the relationship. This girl will never fit into the category “bad relationships”, but God very clearly spoke His will to me, and even to her. Through talking, communication, trust, and much prayer, we both agreed that God had other plans for us. It had nothing to do with us not being good enough for each other, but rather everything to do with the grander plan God had for us.
She was everything I thought I wanted, and as of right now it’s hard to imagine anyone else filling the role she has taken in my life, but it’s time for my bath, and I can’t cling any longer.
This leads us to the next thing everyone faces, so here’s the billion dollar question when leaving a friendship or relationship that God is urging you to leave:
Will I find someone better than them to fill their shoes?
– Nope. You won’t.
I know, I know. I can hear you now…
“Wait…. WHAT? Nate, that’s so sad! What do you mean I won’t find someone better? If I won’t find anyone better, then what’s the point? If they’re really that great then why would God ask me to let go of them???”
Allow me to explain…
Here’s the common misconception – Many times it is thought that God will not ask us to give up something good, but that is very far from the truth. God’s will is not for us to have an average life, or even a good life, it’s for us to have the best one; one that prospers us (Jeremiah 29:11) beyond the average. Sometimes we have to let go of good things, in order to live in His perfect will.
So with that being said, we are all equal, therefore God will not create someone better than the person you were with, but He will create someone better for YOU.
It’s not about finding someone better, it’s about finding someone you never knew would fit you better.
In my case, this story may seem like a romantic tragedy. I found the girl I always wanted, then had to give her up. Yet, it’s only the beginning of the greatest love story ever told.
In Ephesians Paul describes the body of Christ as a bride. Jesus sees the church, which are His people, as His bride, and He looks at me in a way even greater than the way I looked at this girl I loved.
He has asked me to give this wonderful woman up, and the reason why is because He has something better in store. (Remember, not someone better, just someone who fits me better, even if I cannot imagine someone filling that spot).
Having patience goes a long way.
You’re walking up to a chocolate store around 1:00pm to buy you some sweets after you just made a happy plate at lunch. You gotta treat yo self after a happy plate, right!!?? (Y’all better know what a happy plate is… If not come down to Texas and I’ll show show you)
Anyways, you go in and have just enough money for a chocolate covered Oreo and a couple covered strawberries. As you walk out however, you then see the signs everywhere. At 1:15pm ALL items in the store go to half price for a short time. That is when you realize that you were so focused on what you wanted in the moment, that you missed the signs that would have led you to a greater portion later. If you would have waited 15 more minutes you would have enjoyed so much more for the same price. This is similar to God’s voice. When we shut out the signs he is placing before us, we miss the greater reward later on. Be patient enough to ask God to show you the signs you may be missing!
Here is another piece of good advice:
Never look at where you are at as the finish line.
What you may think is the pinnacle, is actually only the start of your journey up your mountain of growth.
The girl I was with was never going to be 100% happy with me if God didn’t bless our relationship. Although we never dated, we were definitely in a relationship. We were awaiting that sign to come that would give us a supernatural confirmation that we should be together, and yet…we were already together. God had placed signs in front of us, but we were too focused on each other, clinging together, that we stayed together longer than we should have. We thought we were perfect for each other, but God was telling us otherwise.
We are definitely hurt, and broken, but we both understand that God’s plan for our lives is so much bigger than just what we want and think. One day she will give all of herself to a man who was created to fit her. He will write stories of their love, and they will be greater than mine for her. And that is okay. As a matter of fact… it is a wonderful thing.
Who am I to hold onto her and take away her future? I hurt not only my future, but hers as well when I decide selfishly that I want her more than I want God.
I know that God will provide a woman who exceeds the expectations I have set, and I will look back to the memories of the girl who changed the way I look at women with thanks, but the life I will be living will be exactly where I need to be.
With that being said, we must understand this:
It’s Not About Punishment
God didn’t ask me to let go in order to hurt me, but rather to set me free. Perhaps I was not meant to fall in love in the first place, but I can live His perfect will if I move on now. Although it stings in the moment, and for the foreseeable future, I will still trust in His divine plan.
Surrendering to the Father is even more beautiful than any person could ever be.
This verse has been so true:
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
I want to end with a call to all who are stuck in a bad, wrong, or even good relationship that God is asking you to give up. Maybe you’re even freshly wounded from leaving one. You are special, you are worth it, and you WILL find your person if you strive for the One who created them.
Now, the rest of this post is probably the most important thing you will read so far.
If you have pursued a potential marriage partner’s time more than you have pursued your time and energy to build a relationship with Christ, then please rethink your situation. The “soulmate” God has created for you will NEVER replace ANY part of your relationship with Him. In fact, your “soulmate” will enhance and even encourage your walk with Christ to the point that you grow closer to them, the closer you become to Jesus.
“Intense effort to be closer to Christ, will lead effortlessly to the person God has created you to be with.”
Your level of intensity, and effort to be closer to Christ, is directly proportionate to the effort you won‘t have to put in, to find “the one”.
Ask yourself this: Am I clingy? Am I holding onto someone God is asking me to give up? Search deep. The answers may hurt, but they are so worth it in the end; I promise.
From a heart that is healing, and close to the Lord, I wish all who are reading a wonderful day, and pray that peace covers you during this time.
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